Skanky Nerd Land

Sex, Science and Concept Art

Category: Queer

Bigotry of the Mainstream Porn Audience

A couple of days ago, this article on FTM porn director and star appeared on Alternet. What surprised me were the nasty comments by readers of the site, who were supposedly far left-leaning, liberal types. I’ll admit I don’t understand people who would op for plastic surgery to change their sex. Then again, I don’t understand perfectly decent looking people who would op for plastic surgery in any case. I think natural is beautiful and biology or sex organ endowment is not destiny. But hey, I have never suffered from body dismorphia, and am in no position to have an opinion.

I’m not quite sure what the criticism towards Jame’s FTM porn is about; likely they are all illogical, an instinctive reaction towards something they think is ‘against nature’. Pah. Birth control is against nature, our entire built environment is against nature.

Most people watch porn, and a lot of the porn is made by people who don’t want to be in the industry. At least our man JD here is in charge if his own destiny. This is his choice. It’s ethical porn. Most queer porn is ethical porn. You can never be sure of course, just like you know not all the so labelled ‘organic’ products are actually organic, but it’s a start.

I follow a few alternative porn stars on twitter. They like making porn. It is both a lifestyle and a career choice, and they love it like I like making art and writing. It fulfills a need in the world, opens up our eyes to the diversity in tastes out there, and what shows us beauty in variety. No, not all porn is like that, most mainstream porn is not. But unsurprisingly, if you go just a bit off the beaten path, it’s there. Tbh, I never enjoyed watching porn until I discovered these alternatives, because, you know… the woman didn’t seem to be having fun. But that’s mainstream porn for you.

Gender Binaries are Stupid

Is it just my social media echo chamber, or have the doors been flung wide open on gender discourse? Maybe a bit of both. It was something I grappled with, all throughout my childhood, and still ponder on a fair bit these days. Despite having rather atypical parents, the the Singapore I grew up in had a gender preference for boys. Not to mention that boys all over still have a lot more freedom than girls. We still live in the shadow of a misogynistic past, and it is women as much as men that enforce the status quo.

I’m not butch or dyke and have never been, though I’ve always identified as masculine. Back in Secondary school, I dated a dyke. I went to an all girls’ school, and it was what was done. Like smoking my first cigarette and getting my first tattoo. In the back of my head though, I always felt more masculine than her, without ever feeling the need to project it in any way upon my appearance. Oddly, now we’re all grown up, she’d grown out her hair, stopped playing sport and swoons over Gucci handbags. I’ve stayed pretty much the same.

I identify most positive traits as masculine and most negative ones as feminine. This is likely due to how femininity is sold in the media. Virtually everything based on the gender binary is offensive and stupid, but ones geared towards women are particularly unforgivable. Frivolity, irrationality, uncontrollable emotions, a lack-of self discipline, a desire for baubles… I’m sure all of these negative traits are evenly distributed among the population, regardless of whether you own a penis or vagina. Just that the masculine versions of these are exulted while the feminine ones are relegated to a silly pink box covered in glitter. When men are irrational and lose their temper, nations go to war, when women do the same, their friends bring them a tub of ice cream.

To be honest, I’m probably the worst person to write about this. I think lipstick and eyeliner should be unisex items, that some men look drab as men but gorgeous as women and that one should dress according to comfort and what’s flattering rather than sex assigned at birth. And that none of this has any bearing on whether you feel feminine or masculine, and that these concepts are fucked anyway, because how we think about them is based on how we are sold products in a wasteful society.

Berghain Experience, Good Morning, Good Night

5 a.m. in the back of Panorama bar, I turn around and who do I see but the girl that used to sit behind me back in Primary 3, when we were 9 years old. The world is getting smaller, and I guess it was one of those nights filled with magic and mysticism conjured by shamans hiding in the sewers.

Dares was small, covered in tattoos, and athletic. Cross-fit and a lot of martial arts. I like women that are an extreme ideal of myself. We went to the black rooms and made out in the corridor. She was gorgeous. I think I’m in love – but you know how it goes. Of course you are in love, why wouldn’t you be? Everyone is in love. With the music with the magic, all of it. I will always remember pulling her pants down and shoving my face between her legs. She was lovely, so lovely.

Berghain experience

Inside Berghain By Emanuele Femia

Tim was on the dance floor in a body stocking made of lace. It was an amazing outfit. Claude was out, far, far away. We kissed. Dares, Tim, me, Claude, the drag queen in a kimono with her fan… Men, women and everyone in between danced in their underwear. It was steamy, hot, wet. Queer is commonplace, sex is everywhere, and no one has expectations.

Photos are not allowed. All moments are intense, memories recorded vividly, fiercely. Was it twelve hours or twelve days?

Yes, she said. It’s always an extreme experience. Every time you go, you change. Here, there are no inhibitions, only desires worn out on everybody’s skin.

It was lovely to see them again. Really lovely. Usually you meet people and have these amazing experiences with them, and they disappear. So when they don’t, it means something. Like holding onto a thread of magic.

Open Relationships and Privileges

I found this comment on open relationships in the archives, posted 8 years ago. I gave a joke response at the time, never having been in any sort of relationship except a closed, and suffocatingly monogamous one.

“You’ve gotta understand the man’s rules for an open relationship. He is able to sleep with anyone, ogle and chat up any of your girlfriends and his exes, either in front of you or behind your back, and take off without telling you.  The girl must only “have relations” with pre-agreed characters, who must be dweebs of some sort or other, to avoid shattering the fragile male ego, and every situation must be discussed and assessed on it’s merits.”

Open Relationships and Privileges

Renaissance Painting of Roman Orgy – Who painted this? No idea…

Since, I’ve had many conversations about polyamoury with Dani and my closest friends. The conclusion is that every open relationship is different, but being in an open relationship is nowhere like being single. Sexual jealousy is an unpleasant, destructive emotion evolved to ensure the survival of your genes in your offspring. It exists across a huge range of species; it is nasty, powerful and real. Unlike other animals though, we can recognize it for what it is, and regulate it to allow ourselves some sexual novelty.

“We all, subconsciously or consciously, control the bodies of our lovers.” A friend of mine told me, when I was getting worked up about why we’re still stuck in an old patriarchal framework that is the cultural manifestation of our selfish genes. That line stuck with me for how it re-framed the way I thought about sexual jealousy. I think part of its impact was that it came from a gay man talking about his experience, so it was not riddled with the burden of male entitlement. I guess up till that point, I had felt that every man I had dated got jealous because of the whole power-based, women as property belief entrenched in the world we live in. But put like that; I guess it’s natural to feel jealous when your lover, of any gender, exceeds the bounds of freedom in a relationship that are drawn to keep the relationship safe and secure. Which is the whole point of a relationship.

In response to that old comment, the rules of an open relationship are drawn by both or more, male, female or otherwise. Open relationships that work, I find, are very fair. And at least among my friends, nobody takes more freedom than they’re willing to give.

That Old Pubic Hair Debate

The Great Wall of Vagina

The Great Wall of Vagina – Panel 1

I’m starting to think men don’t really care so much about women waxing, as women care about other women waxing. Wild or groomed, as long as it doesn’t smell bad, I’m all for my partner’s grooming choices. I wonder where the belief that women wax for men, came from, because most women do it for themselves.

For the record, I’m now permanently, completely, freed of hair in my nether regions thanks to the technology that is “Intense Pulse Light” . This fact, along with the other fact that I’m somewhat obsessive about my physical conditioning, has often been met with derision. It means I must be mentally strait-jacketed within some “heteronormative structure”.

Although, doesn’t the assertion that women only get waxes for men reinforce the structure even more? Suggesting that anything females do to change their appearance can only be done either to please men or to make a statement about the perversity and prevalence of the male gaze?

Some women find the experience of getting a Brazilian shameful, likening it to rape. I can’t say I particularly looked forward to my sessions (I can tolerate quite a lot of pain for some gain, but don’t find it pleasurable. Yes, bondage, no, masochism). Though, I had a great rapport with the young lady that served me and her perspective on her trade has definitely left me with a positive experience of why people go to her. To get their hair removed, for themselves.

Interestingly, over half her clientele are men, and not all of whom are gay. The worries of getting a boyzillian are plentiful, more than I’ve ever had to consider, certainly.

Boyzillian Q & A

Inside Out features Pixar’s first Transgendered Character

There’s so much to love about Inside out. Now, this may be completely made up, and it may have been done unintentionally (unlikely, since every aspect of an animated blockbuster is painstakingly crafted), but Riley is Pixar’s first genderqueer character.

Firstly, the gender neutral name. Secondly, three out of her five emotions are female, Anger and Fear are male. This is not the case for the other Emotions that live in the heads of her mom and dad. Mom has an all female cast, while Dad an all male one… Or does he?

Inside Out features Pixar's first Transgendered Character Riley dad joy has breasts

Look closely at Dad’s ‘Joy’ on the right… Doesn’t he have breasts? Could he be the first transgendered Pixar character?

Considering how Pixar provides strong support for LGBTQ youth with it’s “It Gets Better” project, I’m certain none of this is unintentional.

The Queer Girl’s Celebrity Freebie List

Alright, it’s not THE queer girl’s celebrity freebie list, it’s my freebie list. Though all of the choices have been corroborated with three other girlfriends, so maybe I’m on to something. As all other celebrity freebie lists, it’s not based on the actors themselves, but rather, the characters they play. Also, not listed in order.

1. Maisie Williams

Because she’s Arya Stark, adorable and deadly. She’s also awesome in this really intense film no one has heard about. She’s gown up some in five seasons of Game of Thrones, but stayed quintessentially her same tom-boyish self. I love that she’s dark and intense in her films but wacky the rest of the time. Maisie Williams has not come out as gay or bisexual, and she may very well be a tomboy and straight.

Maisie Williams Dazed, Queer Girl Freebie List

She looked everywhere for something to wear, but the only thing she could find that was not burnt was a canvas sack

Masie Williams Floor Skank, queer girl freebie list

Floor Skank? Definitely skanky.

arya needle stick pointy end queer girl freebie list

She knows where to stick the pointy end

maisie-leng, queer girl freebie list

Here Mr. Gaunt gives Ace Merrill some cocaine… or, just hot stuff.

2. Lee Pace

He’s really gorgeous as man, woman or elf. Elves, I suppose are, the most gender bending of all fantasy creatures. Although be/aware the reign of the gay magical elves.  I suppose most of their chastity on screen is due to PG ratings though. Elves aside, he was absolutely stunning as Calpernia Addams in Soilder’s Girl. It actually took me awhile to figure out that Thranduil, Addams and The Fall’s masked bandit was the same guy. Also, some really skanky action as the bisexual Joe MacMillan in Halt and Catch Fire. Although I definitely prefer him in the more androgynous elf mode.

calpernia-lee-pace-queer-girl-freebie-list-isachen-the fall

He’s really hot in his drag performance of Garbage’s No. 1 Crush. (Ooh Garbage… remember that cynical decade?)

3. Natalie Dormer

Margery Tyrell, Julie d’Aubigny, Anne Boleyn, Cressida, she’s hot, dangerous and skanky in all of them (okay, maybe not as Cressida). Her characters always making the first move, both in the boardroom, and in the bedroom. But in these period style pieces, what’s the difference when you’re a woman?

Also, she actually seems to quite like getting her kit off on camera. I guess that was a pre-requisite for being on the Tudors. And she’s still doing it for Game of Thrones…

In this video, she lounges around and talks in that adorable, sexy, English accent.

As an aside, has anyone else noticed how both Margery and Cersei’s default expression is a smirk? Why are smirks sexy?

Cersei queer girls freebie list smirk

Game Of Thrones © HBO Enterprises

queer girls freebie list smirk natalie dormer

Game Of Thrones © HBO Enterprises

4. Jared Leto

Everybody hates Oliver Stone’s Alexander. I thought the director’s cut was pretty good, I thoroughly enjoyed it for all the homosexual undertones. Here Jared Leto wears eyeliner, walks around in a toga, and plays Colin Farrell’s long suffering lover. Straight girls like gay porn too, so his entry in the list is a bit dubious… although that’s made up by his affair with Miley Cyrus, who has come out as genderqueer (not that it has anything to do with anything). Anyway, pushes my buttons due to his resemblance to Jesus, and his regular appearances in drag. Although I do prefer him just with long locks and some eyeliner.

Just to make a point, here’s this video of a girl turning herself in Jared Leto.

Transgressive Relationships

My relationships with men mostly play out within a transgressive context. I didn’t know it at the time, but now with the benefit of hindsight, that was (is?) always the case. It probably came from being raised in an environment where sex was everywhere, yet remained taboo. Until recently, I’ve always found non-porn sex pretty boring. Sometimes I wonder how many times I’d actually fucked someone, and been aware they were that someone, and not a figment of my imagination or something that they represented.

Come to think of it, I had dated a handful of guys my grandma would have approved of. You know, small age gap, sweet, a few years out of college and doing well. But it never worked out, and I think of them as ‘just friends’. Almost as if our whole romantic history had been void of any eroticism. Which is not true of course; the transgressive element just plays such a large part in what I find erotic and memorable, that a nice, sweet, cis lover would never cut it.

The really transgressive relationships of course never worked out. In a way, they were fictive liaisons; literotica, porn. Fun in front of the camera, non-existent off screen. Mostly, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, just entertainment. Lots of people enjoy transgressive sex. Some people can only enjoy sex this way, and some take it further and try to build a relationships out of it; some even succeed. I don’t stalk ex-lovers on social media, but occasionally cannot resist the occasional search. Some of them are now married, and some with young children. I look at the pictures of them with their kids and think, “hah, didn’t see that coming”, how did this happen? But then, you never really know what’s going on. I can only assume most of them are living nice, sweet, regular lives. Church and all. Who knows.

Was it me? Maybe. I read some research pointing out that until the age of 25, humans had no sense of their mortality. I also know I have a pretty strong and infectious imagination, and my blog was the cause of a lot of crazy ideas that eventually manifested themselves in real life. They were probably just regular guys.


Actually, honestly, I don’t think any of them were. Some of them are pretending, some of them are poly and some of them are still single.

Foot Fetish

I like brown feet. Slender, elegant brown feet that look like they spend most of their time in clean socks and comfortable sneakers. Dark, deep red polish would tip me over the edge. Pretty white feet are nice. A pair of them in dainty sandals or colourful wedges will send me into a haze of wistful longing. Tracing their contours, from the curl under the toes to the gentle slopes of ball and heel. But feet that particular shade of golden brown, now…

I’ve always wondered about foot fetishes. Apparently, many people have them. I guess, like all fetishes, they come in varying levels of extremity. I’ve never been comfortable admitting mine, because what comes to my mind when I think ‘foot fetish’, is all manner of extreme sexual perversion, which I don’t find sexy at all.

When I was little, I used to wish I had my sister’s feet. Her’s were just the sort I liked. I thought, then, ‘if I had feet like hers, I would be more attractive’.

For me, the fetish ends here. I could gaze at them, maybe fantasise about touching their soft soles, imagine the sensations they experience as they walk on floor boards that are recently sanded. So, does this qualify?

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